Blake Lively

please go out with me; i love you.

Sexting

i totally missed out by going to high school a decade ago; i mean, instead of not having real sexual relations, i could have not been receiving jerkoff material while i sat isolated in my room playing incalculable amounts of Tecmo Super Bowl and wondering why girls didn't talk to me.

Sharpie pens

my love for them is unfaltering.

Dear McDonald's,

no matter what your commercial says, i know your breakfast sandwich is made from some bizarre alien mix of microwaved food products, and, frankly, i'm okay with that; therefore, please stop trying to tell me you make real food.

It's Always Sunny

by far, the greatest show on television.

moustaches - is that spelled right? i don't think so. ohwell.

they are always a good idea.

Star Wars - any of them

i just don't get why people like these movies, and, no, that is not an offer to have some s-dub geek go bonkers, blow a nut, and try to tell me about their supposed greatness; i don't want to hear it.