R.O.T.: Reunion of Terror

If you ever decide one day to start stabbing yourself in the eyes with razors made from elephant tusks from an elephant you killed after it collapsed one of your lungs and snapped your legs during the fight, all while listening to someone run nails along a chalkboard and narrate the fine print of any legal document, then you might know what it is like watching this movie.

Raleigh

I will be moving to you as soon as possible.

Blake Lively

please go out with me; i love you.

Sexting

i totally missed out by going to high school a decade ago; i mean, instead of not having real sexual relations, i could have not been receiving jerkoff material while i sat isolated in my room playing incalculable amounts of Tecmo Super Bowl and wondering why girls didn't talk to me.

Sharpie pens

my love for them is unfaltering.

Dear McDonald's,

no matter what your commercial says, i know your breakfast sandwich is made from some bizarre alien mix of microwaved food products, and, frankly, i'm okay with that; therefore, please stop trying to tell me you make real food.

It's Always Sunny

by far, the greatest show on television.

moustaches - is that spelled right? i don't think so. ohwell.

they are always a good idea.

Star Wars - any of them

i just don't get why people like these movies, and, no, that is not an offer to have some s-dub geek go bonkers, blow a nut, and try to tell me about their supposed greatness; i don't want to hear it.

Radiohead

i still don't like them.